Finding joy being single in your 30's

The plan was to graduate high school, go to BYUI, get married, and have a family- just like my mom did. By 30 years old my mom had 4 kids and was swimming in family life. My life hasn't quite looked like that, but it has been beautiful and it has been God's plan for me. Today I want to share how despite the trial of dating ups/downs and singleness into one's 30's, five ways that one can find greater happiness, fulfillment and joy in life.

1# Look outside yourself

As a single adult, it is easy to focus on you- your life, your needs, your goals, your desires. Our world has made us very self-focused and self-centered. The antidote to this is service to others. God has given me opportunities to serve others in ways I never could have imagined. Four years ago, when the Ukraine war started, I felt the strongest prompting from God that this was a mission he had for me. I have now been there 6 times and found so much joy in service to the Ukrainian people. During a time when I dreamed to be a wife and mother, God has given me this beautiful opportunity to serve and love people on the other side of the world.

Getting outside yourself can be as simple as volunteering at a local charity, getting involved more deeply in your calling, visiting hospitals/old folks homes...the opportunities are limitless. Think of your gifts and talents- how can you use those to bless others more? The more time we spend in service to others, the less time we have to wallow in self-pity or loneliness. The more we give of ourselves in the service of others, the more we will find ourselves.

2# Get financially stable

As a single person, there isn't as much financial responsibility. We ought not to waste this time away spending wastefully and building our debt. This is the time to pay off all debts and invest! Although it means we have to forgo a trip or various fun toys, it's worth it to become financially stress-free and ultimately have our money generate more money. If you have no idea how to get out of debt or invest, I think it would be worth it to hire a financial advisor. What a gift to your future self when you hit family life, to have funds in abundance to serve others with and not worry about financial stressors. The last few years I have worked to pay off my debts. This year I am paying off my car and then beginning the journey of investing with an advisor. Though it is hard work, it is so worth the effort!

3# Build deep friendships and family relationships

For many singles in their 30's, there is a tendency to pull in and just live a life alone. It takes intention but we have to get out there and make friends, whether this is in church or pursuing a passion you have and making friends in the process. As we know, "It is not good for man [or woman] to be alone." These many years I have built friendships that will last forever, for which I am so grateful. Friendship takes work, service and love. I encourage you to get outside yourself and nurture friendships.

As well, really get to know your siblings and nieces/nephews. You have great influence in their lives, more than you know. I have a little 9 year old brother- every Friday we have a date night where he pulls a popsicle stick of an activity we will do together. These are memories him and I will always hold dear. This time while you are single is an opportunity to deepen those family ties before you have a family of your own to focus on. Go out of your way to visit them and spend time with them. You will never regret doing this.

4# Find God and Jesus Christ

I have had my share of lonely nights. I have learned to use them to pray and talk to God. He is aware of my desires and loves me deeply. Like any relationship, effort and work is required. I have worked very hard to know God and His son through temple attendance, scripture study and constant prayer. If you live near a temple and have the opportunity, work in the temple. Working in the temple has filled my life with light over the years.

When I'm hurting, I turn to God. When I need a friend, I turn to God. He has ALWAYS been there for me. These single years I have found my brother, Jesus Christ. In moments of repentance, I have felt his love and redeeming power wash over me. Use this time to fully embrace your faith and nurture it! I am so grateful for the relationship I have with both of them and I hope to grow it through the rest of my life.

5# Discover yourself

What gets you excited about life? Each person will have a different answer. What gets me excited is humanitarian work, running, dancing, performing, podcasting, blogging and reading. As you delve into your passions and discover what makes you tick, you will feel a newfound energy and excitement for life. Life can become a never-ending wake up, work, sleep, repeat...unless you add spice to it. I encourage your to try new hobbies as well! Take music lessons, learn a new skill, travel to a new place, make a bucket-list, and discover who you are. Most of my greatest passions are ones I have only discovered the past few years!

As well as learning what hobbies and interests you have, take personality tests to really learn who you are. As you learn more what your strengths are and how to strengthen your weaknesses, you will feel more confident in yourself. If you take this time to get to know you before the time of building a marriage and having children, you will be a better and more capable spouse and parent.

I hope that those reading this feel empowered to take advantage of this time of your life. It is okay at times to feel that longing for a family and frustration with singleness. But, when the time of family-life does come, you will want to look back with happiness, gratitude, and joy knowing that you didn't waste this special time of life. But that you built and grew and became your best.

Challenge: Take the time to write in a journal these 5 principles of how to take advantage of this time of your life. Next to each one, write ways you can better live that principle.